I'll always be twenty-something and reckless
Everlong by the Foo Fighters beats against my chest. The lyrics burn, and so does cheap whiskey. I wake up and forget half the night. I never will remember.
My thirties have been kinder. This past Christmas Eve, I celebrated five years of sobriety. No alcohol, no drugs—no lesser evils, no excuses to get high. In The Promises that are read after every AA session, it is said that we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. But I've regretted plenty. And I've tried to shut the door many times. I may not remember everything but I remember enough. Enough to crave the sting knowing I can lose it all. Enough to know it's not worth it. Enough to fight. And in this life of mine, there is so much worth fighting for despite the young girl that needed an easier, softer way. The girl who has grown over the years, yet still hungers.
Alcoholism is a thirsty beast—nothing except the bottle can fill its void. And even then, it's never really filled. I know I'll always be twenty-something and reckless, twenty-something and wanting. Knowing is half the battle. And I'm already winning.
Statement of Support
To those who are currently battling alcoholism and addiction, please know that you are not alone. Recovery is a difficult journey, but it is possible. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory. Reaching out for help takes great strength, and there are countless resources available to guide you toward healing and a life of sobriety. Please be kind to yourself and remember that asking for support is a courageous and important part of recovery. You deserve a life filled with peace, health, and hope.
Resources for Alcoholism and Addiction Recovery:
• Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
AA is a global fellowship of men and women who help each other stay sober. It offers a 12-step program that provides support and encouragement in a community setting.
• National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA)
The NIAAA provides research, education, and resources about alcohol abuse and addiction. They also offer tools to help individuals seek treatment.
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
SAMHSA provides a free, confidential helpline (1-800-662-HELP) for those seeking help for substance use disorders and mental health challenges.
• SMART Recovery
SMART Recovery offers a science-based approach to addiction recovery, with meetings and support tools for managing addiction and maintaining sobriety.
• The National Helpline for Alcohol and Drug Addiction
Phone: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
This helpline, operated by SAMHSA, is available 24/7 and can connect you with treatment and support services.
• Sober Recovery
Sober Recovery provides information, advice, and a forum for individuals in recovery from addiction. It also has a comprehensive directory of treatment centers.
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Congratulations, Andrea. A hard battle. May your creativity blossom and bring sweet fruit!
Best Wishes - Dave